Introduction of myself
(image: Photo taken of me in New York) Hello! My name is Tim Song and my current major is Biology and Pre-Physical Therapy. One of the coolest thing about being in a bio major is that you can seem really smart and brilliant. I was in the United States Air Force for six years and I finished my enlistment couple of months ago. Due to my work schedule, I couldn't attend the university of Oklahoma. I went to Rose State college for 2 years and OCCC for another 2 years. I received my associates in science in the summer of 2017. This is my first year in OU and I am very excited to learn and experience university life. (image: Photo take of me in UAE) My favorite thing to do is to travel. Air Force spoiled me, by sending me to an exotic and beautiful countries and I am hoping to keep that up even when I have to pay out of my pockets now. I was done with my service since the November of 2017 and that meant I had til January of 2018 to do what I desired. First and foremo
Tim, great job with your first story in the portfolio! I find Hanuman interesting too and I want to work him into my project as well. You did a good job of retelling the story to provide the reader with a context of the original. I noticed you said this was important to you in the author's notes. One thing that I think would be cool for you to do with this story is writing it in the first person, as Hanuman. It would be fun to know what he is thinking as he goes on his adventures with Rama to save Sita. I also think that your project could be improved by creating some spaces between the paragraphs so that it is a bit easier to read on the computer. Also a small description on your landing page telling a little bit about what your project is about would be good.
ReplyDeleteThe first thing I noticed was the first sentence. I am not sure if you meant to leave the first phrase as just "Long time age" or "a Long time ago" but maybe look at that if that was a typo. Hanuman was one of my favorite characters throughout readings thus far. His level of loyalty and respect to Rama is very throughout, which was a big part of Hanuman's character in my opinion. I liked the comparison's you drew to Hercules in your authors notes. What if you incorporated some herculean task for Hanuman to undertake. I think that would make for an interesting story to read. I would consider varying the size of your paragraphs. Having some long and short paragraphs rather than all one type makes it easier to read. Good job on this story!
ReplyDeleteHi Tim! I think you did a fantastic job with your story of Hanuman in Ramayana. I never thought about retelling a story in my own words as a story assignment. It is a really creative way to emphasize the details of the story that you found impacted you the most or a way to minimize the details that you did not think were as important. At the bottom of your story where your picture is, the picture is not aligned in the middle. I think it would help the overall look of your story if you made the picture centered to the page. Also, have you thought about adding more pictures to your story? I think this could also help the reader visualize the story more as they are reading. Overall, I think you have done a really great job and I look forward to continue to read more of your stories in the future. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteHey Tim!
ReplyDeleteI think one of the best aspects of retelling a story in your own words is that you get to emphasize what aspects of the story that you enjoyed most. I think its interesting that in the Ramayana, Rama is a very powerful character and is heavily relied upon by other characters. Yet, without Hanuman, he would not have been able to rescue Sita since he could not cross the sea. So I think its cool that you are focusing on a character that is just as important to the events in the Ramayana as the main character, Rama.
Hey Tim. I like the layout of your website. Having a link to your comment wall is always helpful, well done. Changing the banner on your story is a touch page. Your first sentence seems to have a grammar mistake. “A long time ago” or "Long ago" sounds better than “Long time ago”, however if this is your intention nothing is wrong. It just sounds a little weird. Hanuman seems like a great character, and I am glad you wrote about him. In your Author’s notes you mentioned that your project is about Hanuman. If this is the case would that make this a storybook, I believe. I would also change the “Epic Stories: Portfolio” title if this is the case. Your writing itself is fine. I enjoyed that you are keeping true to the original. Overall it is a great first story and I look forward to reading more of your work.
ReplyDeleteHey Tim! Good work on your portfolio so far. I like the image you chose for your story and your first story. I also like how in the author's not you mentioned adding more to the story than what was originally in it from your blog. I wonder how much more personal you could make it. Wow hearing about Hanuman's adventures are great, I think you could do a lot more showing than telling. Don't just tell us about his adventures, let us see them and live them with Hanuman! Let us see inside his feelings. How does he talk and act? I'm a sucker for some killer dialogue because I just think the words we use say so much about who we are. I would love to see how he interacts with the other characters. I'm looking forward to reading your other stories and seeing what you do with the other characters you write about. I would really suggest exploring their stories with dialogue and "show not tell".
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ReplyDeleteYou did a great job at setting up your portfolio. I loved the stars and the dark blue colors. You can never go wrong with those colors. I also like your stories they were so fun to read and one of them I had never read before so it is cool to read different stories. I loved the pictures you used for each story because to me a picture is a thousand words. I also like in the second story you made it a dialogue the whole time which is very interesting. I love looking at all the different ways people write and what they will write about. I think you have done a great job. I am not the best at picking out grammar and other mistakes but I did enjoy reading this. I can not wait to read more from you. Keep up the good work.
Hi Tim! First of all, I absolutely love your banner photo for the home page. It is a beautiful picture that draws me into your website before I even start reading your stories. I also like the title that you chose. Maybe you could even add little summaries of each of the stories you will tell on the home page so people know what to expect coming up or if they don’t have time to read all of the stories, they could select the one that sounds the most interesting from the summaries that you provide. It’s aesthetically pleasing that you chose a different banner image for each story that depicts that story because it helps the reader visualize the story. I enjoyed reading both of your stories. I especially liked the dialogue that you included in the second story, maybe you could add dialogue to your first story as well to help give the readers more insight on the emotions of the characters.
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ReplyDeleteGood job on your portfolio so far! I ready both the first and second story and they are both good stories. The first one is a nice and simple retelling of the Ramayana to introduce the reader to Hanuman’s character. It could include more information about what Hanuman is actually thinking during these events, but I understand that it would be hard from the third person narrative.
The story with Hanuman and Sun Wukong is very interesting. The first time that I ready about Hanuman, I connected him to Sun Wukong due to their similar physical appearances. I really enjoy that you brought them together. I did not know that Buddha was an incarnation of Vishnu and I like that you included that. In one of Hanuman’s lines he says “But his Buddha”, I think two words were combined here and it should be “But he is Buddha”. Also in the last line “who run away”, if this was intentional that is fine, but I was not sure.
I like that you got your idea from an Aesop’s Fable. I had not read this particular story but you accurately adapted to your story to fit it. I wander what will happen to the friendship between Hanuman and Sun Wukong.
Hey Tim! I think you have really nice picture of galaxy start on Portfolio. I read your second story name “Hanuman and Sun Wukong” and I also like the background picture and I thing that picture is about Sun Wukong journey to the west with other three companion. I really like reading your story because mixed both the Chinese culture and Indian culture and made a different and unique story, where they have to hide from Buddha because they both were being reckless and broke the statue of Buddha. Hanuman feels guilty but Sun Wukong is not worried about it and it was kind of funny. I wonder if you little twist to the story and made Sun Wukong get capture and not Hanuman because it would have been funnier. I also like your way of writing story because your story uses dialogue and I really a story if it has dialogue.
ReplyDeleteHi Tim! I really love the art on your portfolio! It is a lot different than what I have encountered! All of the images are beautiful! The merging of chinese and indian histories and cultures was a unique twist and they compliment each other really well! After reading the stories I realized that you could really benefit from adding dialogue to your stories so that we can get a glimpse of what the characters are feeling and experiencing. I am a huge fan of fables and you really nailed it with your stories! Every story should have a lesson to learn, even if it isn't as obvious as other stories.
ReplyDeleteHey Tim! I really like the background image on your home page of your site. I think it does a good job of getting people in the right mindset for the stories. I think your home page could use a small description of your project to help draw people in to your story and let them know what they are getting into. I like how you tell the story of Hanuman in your first story but I think you could use a little more of your own flair to let your personality show a little more in your stories. I really like how you break up your dialogue in the second story and it really helps to make the interaction more clear in the readers mind. I also like how you told a whole new story combining Hanuman with a story from another region. It's a really unique style that I haven't seen in many other peoples websites.
ReplyDeleteHey Tim!
ReplyDeleteI just finished reading your first two stories on your website. I really like the concept you've chosen. Hanuman is one of my favorite characters in the Ramayana, so I think making him the focal point of your stories will be really enjoyable. In your first story, "Hanuman," you never really talk about Hanuman being part monkey or king of the monkeys or anything like that, but then it is the first sentence in your second story. I think it would be beneficial to add a sentence or two in your first story about how and why Hanuman is king of the monkeys. You could use a source story or come up with something completely new! Your second story is really clever. I like how you are pulling together so many different mythologies. That would be an interesting concept to carry throughout your storybook, combing different mythologies each time. I like what you have so far and am interested to see how events unfold.
Hey there, Tim!
ReplyDeleteThis is my first time checking out your portfolio, so I was excited to see what you have been working on. The overall layout of the portfolio project is very easy to navigate. I think that is always an important piece to building an appealing project. I think it would be really cool if you added an intro page to your project. It does not have to be very long either. I think a quick few sentences about what your stories are about would make a huge difference. You could also provide a sentence about each story with a link to each one. I think this would really entice people to check out everything that you have been working hard on. Since your stories are about Hanuman you could just add something about who he is! I think the stories themselves are great. You are doing a great job with the writing so far. Keep up the good work!
Hello Tim! I just read both of your stories, and I have to say I really liked them. Your first story was a great modern language version of Hanuman's exploits during the Ramayana, which I thought was very well written. I like modern language updates of these Indian epic stories as it makes them much easier to read and enjoy. Your second story by definitely my favorite, though. The mixing of the two mythological monkey characters along with one of Aesop's Fables blended together so well that I thought it might have been based on some Indian epic that I hadn't read before that incorporated figures from Chinese mythology. My only complaint is that your first story ended rather abruptly. One sentence Hanuman is literally carrying a mountain and the next the story is over, it just seems a bit quick. I think a short conclusion paragraph would suit the pace better. Other than that, the stories are amazing!
ReplyDeleteHi there Tim! In your first story, "Hanuman," readers can truly tell the devotion, respect, and even love that Hanuman had for Rama. One can truly understand how dutiful Hanuman was to Rama when you described how he was an attentive listener when Rama talked and how he essentially risked his life for the love of Rama's life, Sita. In your second story, I enjoyed how you incorporated another culture into your Storybook. In addition, I like the moral of the story of "Hanuman and Sun Wekong." I believe this lesson from this story is something we can incorporate in our lives to this very day. I enjoyed the dialogue that you created for Sun and Hanuman - through the dialogue, I was able to imagine the story as I read it. I enjoyed the third story you created and how it was a unique take on "The Wise and The Foolish Merchant" tale. My only thing to change is the title "Hanuman and Sun Pt. 2" to something that will catch the reader's attention. Overall, great job!
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ReplyDeleteHey Tim, I really enjoyed your Indian Epics projects, when I saw that your stories were going to be center around Hanuman I wanted to read through them all. He is one of my favorite characters from The Ramayana. The second story of Hanuman and Sun Wukong seemed to fit so perfectly. I was not familiar with Sun Wukong but you were able to explain his character in the story and then give more detailed information in the author’s notes. I also enjoyed the way you combined the two monkey stories into a friendship is where different adventures between the two happen, they almost seem like siblings always competing against each other. I also liked that the last two stories were based off of the Aesop tales and the Jataka tales, similar genres. I am not sure how many stories you have to create for your project but I hope you are able to add one more. Maybe in the last story Sun can rescues Hanuman for a change. You have a great project and writing by combing so many different elements, I think your project might be my favorite.
Hey Tim,
ReplyDeleteReally enjoyed your stories. Hanuman was a great story and I really like the cross over with Sun Wukong. I think that if you added some dialogue it would have been a bit more interesting. I do like that you kept Hanuman close to the original story, I do the same thing because for me it helps with consistency when retelling it to family and friends. I think the retelling of the foolish merchant with Sun Wokong was another great story in your portfolio. Great portfolio, if there's any stories left to write, hope the last one goes well.
Hello Tim,
ReplyDeleteI think it would be helpful to title your first story, "Hanuman: The Faithful Servant" because I think a comma in a title obstructs the flow of words in something that's ideally supposed to be concise. You have real talent with writing and I appreciate your use of creativity. I would like to see more pictures for visual effect. I also want to hear more about why telling the particular stories you did was important to you. In your second story, it might be helpful to add a break somewhere in the first paragraph because currently, the paragraph is lengthy. Overall though, great work! I look forward to reading more of your stories.
Hey Tim!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your stories. I haven't really read much about Hanuman other than when he helped Rama rescue Sita, so reading more about him was fun! You chose great stories to recreate, and I personally loved the second story because it was a great life lesson. I did not see the ending coming! For the first story, I would consider adding in a few lines of dialogue to help the readers understand Hanuman's personality a bit more. Maybe add a line from Hanuman to Rama declaring his loyalty. Also, I forgot that Hanuman is a monkey, so I think adding that detail toward the beginning of the story would help the readers get a clearer picture as to what he looks like! As for the second and third story, I only found a few grammar errors and spelling mistakes, so I would suggest to go back and read aloud. I tend to also make grammar mistakes and I find that reading aloud helps a lot! I liked how you did the dialogue in the second story. It made the story easy to read! Good job and I hope you have a great rest of the semester!
Hey Tim! I much like everyone else in our class, I really enjoyed reading your stories. It was nice to see how you decided to still to the original story. By retelling the stories in your own words, you are able to recap what we have already read. This is good because we are reading so many stories, that sometimes we forget the original meanings. The layout of your portfolio was also really nice and easy to follow. I liked how your images had the same feeling as the stories. This was a nice touch. As I was reading your stories, I noticed that there were a few spelling mistakes that still haven't been fixed. I would suggest going back to reread your stories, this is a simple solution. I thought that your stories will very nice overall, I have no complaints. Good job with your portfolio, I really enjoyed reading it.
ReplyDeleteHi Tim! In your first story, "Hanuman," you do a good job of retelling the plot of how Hanuman came to follow Rama. However I wonder if you could explore adding some suspense to how Hanuman comes to realize that Rama is the avatar of Vishnu he is destined to serve. That might be an interesting way to add your own spin to the story.
ReplyDeleteIn "Hanuman and Sun Wukong," I thought the concept of combining these two characters was very creative, and you were able to incorporate a lot of interesting details from stories about each of them. It seems as if you contradict yourself though at one point. Before they run away and hide Hanuman tells Sun that he will not lie to Buddha when they are caught, but then while they are hiding you say they promise not to betray each other. It seems to me like these are contradictory statements, so you may want to change them or explain how they are not.
Hello Tim. Solid work, I think that you have some really great stories. The stories about Hanuman were really good and this was a great topic to pick I thought you used colorful language and the changes you made were interesting. If anything I think you could have made even more changes. I also think you did a really good job at dialogue. This is something difficult to do and your dialogue flowed really smoothly.I also liked how short and to the point your trickster story was. You did a good job with the fast paced action. My only major recommendation would be to modify you site layout. It could use a little more sizzle or design changes/more images. It wasn't bad, but this is a really easy way to make a good project with great stories, a great project. Overall It was really great and I really enjoyed your stories.
ReplyDeleteHi, Tim! I love the photo you used for your website. I love what you have done with your first story! It is very informative and you make sure to give us every event that took place. There are a couple of things that I think could improve your story. First of all, I think it would be awesome if you added in some dialogue to allow us to see exactly what the characters are saying to one another. Secondly, I think your story would benefit from some detail and imagery. For example, what did Rama’s signet look like? There are so many options to play around with. Lastly, looking at your author’s note, I think that it is awesome that you chose to respect the original story and allow it to be as it was originally intended. Thanks so much for sharing your story with us. Wishing you the best of luck on the remainder of the semester! -Jessie
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